Don't despise the day

I'm a big picture person. I don't do details, I don't don't fret over minor bumps in the road, and nothing makes me want to scream more than the little repetitive tasks of life. I have to confess that when I dreamed about having kids, my dreams were all about back-to-school shopping and passing on my favorite books and playing games together and late night heart-to-heart talks. They were dreams about my kids being big. I knew they would start small, but in my mind, I just sort of glossed over those days.

Six years and three c-sections later, it's still those days. My life is full of details, of minor bumps in the road, of little repetitive tasks. My life is full of small things.

Toy cars, racing up and down my legs and occasionally across my face, lurking in wait upside down on the kitchen floor, ready to scare the life out of my in the middle of the night with their uncanny resemblance to roaches.

Colored beads, strung together in random patterns as necklaces and bracelets, gathered and hoarded in boxes as the rarest of treasures, assiduously hunted down to keep them out of the reach of a grasping seven-month-old.

Sturdy plastic cups, designed to quench the thirst of clumsy-handed preschoolers, but also eminently suitable for rinsing shampoo out of hair, building sandcastle turrets, and bathing ponies.

Pebbles of all shapes and sizes, each one a historic discovery, some to shine in the treasure chest, some to make chalky marks on the sidewalk, and even to fill my pockets and tumble out in the washing machine or roll under the couch when no one is looking.

I could go on. Odd socks, empty toilet paper tubes, plastic army men, broken crayons, hair bands, dried leaves, raisins, wilted dandelions.

But most importantly small hands. Fat baby fists, gripping the back of my shirt in a feat of cuddly strength. Three-year-old fingers, mastering the skill of standing each guy up exactly where he needs to be in the line. Capable schoolgirl hands, washing dishes and rubbing backs and always ready to help.

Small things. A whole big life full of them.